For a family I do not seek

Sometimes I imagine that it would be so nice to have a child.

I imagine that I would be able to care unconditionally and unfailingly for a child and have this little person become the someone I've always aspired to be. I would wish for my baby only the best I can provide and wish for myself the ability to prevent all that will happen from happening.

However, it is because I harbour these massive ambitions for this one being who was delivered expecting no expectations that I feel that should I be blessed with a child, he would be cursed.

To know that I would never be able to provide enough makes me infinitely sad but as I have these convictions, I can and most certainly will impose upon myself the restraint to not bring someone else into this horrendous and beautiful place for an existence of ephemeral elation.