hello mama,

it's me goosey. it's been 10 years, do you realise that the years have passed us by? do you also know how much we miss you? do you think of us? when we call and hang up without speaking, do you think that it might be us?

today, we packed the huge (i daresay we have a collection to rival yours, mama) library we have and started with you. we'll be renovating the house soon, you know? my mom no longer has a husband nor i a father. does this mean you will no longer despise (?) us? does this mean we no longer deserve to be held in contempt?

do you also know that i am now in university? you never thought that would happen, did you? i am afterall not a believer or a child of the children you chose to love.

but mummy and i have come so far today. however, we are no better because we come where we are because of you.

when we placed the books in the same categories that you used to place yours, we understand that i chose literature because i wanted to be closer to you, mama. the books you gave me when i was a child, when you called me your walking stick, are the books we read now. the books you thought worthy of a child's mind are now the books prized by teachers in school.

mummy also reads the books you used to read. we've tried hard to find them again and today we did.

do you remember the book you read? the book in which you placed 6 postits (i placed them in the same way you do: close to the spine and as much of the non-sticky part sticking out) and your flight details to visit auntie ee ee? we found it today and we cried. but not because we were sad. we cried because we wondered if uncle mervin treats you well, we wondered who would rub lotion into your heels and who held your hand while you visit popular (i would have brought you to pageone!!).

oh, did you know lobo was in singapore. i would have brought you and my moose. we would have gone to see engelbert humperdinck (hump-a-dick, remember?) and maybe phantom of the opera.

mama, the worst thing about all this is that we stand here because of the decisions we have made. you have made.

mama, i miss you.


love with all my heart,
goosey