Number 1
I spent the whole day in my pair of black ballet flats. They were unbelievably tight and airless, resulting in extremely smelly feet.
Then something funny happened and in order to tell it, I have lovingly written a short skit.
Denise opens the door of the bathroom. Her mother is standing at the kitchen window smoking and being a K-PO, she whirls around and…
MOTHER: Why you use my vaginal wash???!!!
Note: Denise has her own vaginal wash that is for sensitive skin. It has a different scent from Mother’s.
DENISE: Errrrr….
MOTHER: Later itchy itchy lah!
DENISE: Errr… I use to wash my feet ‘cuz the smell's strong enough to cover.
Number 2
My mom and I were in the lift with Chinawoman and Chinababy. My mom and I entered the lift before them so the two of them were blocking the door.
The conversation during the ride:
WOMAN: Bi-er ji le! Bi-er ji le! (Don’t squeeze, don’t squeeze!)
BABY:
WOMAN: Duo yi sia jui dao. (We’ll be reaching soon)
Woman bends down to check Baby’s diapers. She peeks into her pants and is pleasantly surprised to find that her baby has had a mild case of diarrhoea. Please remember my lift is TINY.
Baby continues to squeeze quite vigourously.
8th floor. Mom and I are trying to get out of the fucking unbearably stinky lift but Chinawoman refuses to make way or shift the stupid pram.
Like, fuck, I’m not skinny. Am I suppose to sidle past your bush of armpit (although for Farand, it’s pubic) hair?!
Baby is still squeezing and at this point of time, wailing.
I had goosebumps because I was so scared the shit water would kenna me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She still would not move and I could see brown stains appearing on Baby’s dirty white pants. Oh my god, I thought I would die.
My mom shouted, “EXCUSE AH!” while pinching her nose in a very obvious way. She shifted 1mm and we escaped. My mom pressed the lift button so the lift door couldn’t close, and yelled,
“Stupid woman, smelly baby. Lao sai still press press. Press your mama de ni lah!” (Press your mother’s breasts lah!)
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